How to negotiate with anyone (even if they're holding a gun)

Five unexpected lessons from spending a week with the world's most successful (and still active) hostage negotiator.

Earlier this year, I spent a week gaining an unfair advantage that rocked my world. I learned from Sue Williams, an internationally acclaimed hostage negotiator with a 99% success rate who's freed over 700 hostages and gone toe-to-toe with some of the world's deadliest terrorists (yes, those ones). Despite leading Scotland Yard's Crisis Units and working alongside the FBI, she's surprisingly unknown outside her field.

What I learned during this week was a paradigm shift. Not only did it change how I think about negotiations, but it made me realise how dangerous it is to be unaware of these techniques in everyday life. Especially when you’re up against someone who is not only aware of them, but very very good at them.

Here's the thing about Sue's approach that sets her apart: she believes negotiation should be collaborative, ethical, and result in a win-win. Yes, you read that right - sometimes you should split the difference. No one benefits from a lose-lose.

Let's dive into what I learned:

1. Never lie (unless there's a bomb).
   Trust is like an egg - once broken, it can't be unbroken. The only exception Sue's ever made is buying time to evacuate an area from a suicide bomber. That's it. Pretty stark reminder of how serious she is about honesty. If your counterpart gets even a whiff of dishonesty - you should expect the deal to be off.
   

2. The negotiator should never be the decision maker.
   Notice how car salespeople always needs to "check with their manager"? There's a reason. When you separate the negotiator from the decision maker, you transform the dynamic from adversarial to collaborative. Suddenly, you're both working together to convince that mysterious third party.
   

3. Know your red line (but keep it secret).
   If you're asking for a pay rise, pick a number that makes you laugh out loud (especially if you're a woman negotiating with a man.) Why? Because we're terrible at valuing ourselves. Your uncomfortable number might actually be closer to your true worth. And if you start negotiations way and above the lowest you are willing to expect, then you are far more likely to get what you want (and deserve!).

4. Never negotiate by surprise.
   Being ambushed into a negotiation? That's a power play. Sue taught me to politely decline and reschedule. Those "end of quarter" deadlines are classic pressure tactics. Take back control by choosing when to negotiate. But also pay close attention as sometimes you might not realise you are in a negotiation. And choose your playing field. If you are more effective via phone or email - then make sure to be clear with your communication preference. (You’d be surprised how much hostage negotiation takes place via email!)
   

5. Research is your superpower
   Want to know what really makes a world-class negotiator? It's not clever tactics or silver-tongued persuasion. It's research. Understanding your counterpart's motivations, identifying the real decision makers, mapping the stakeholder landscape - this is where negotiations are won or lost. As Sue says: if you don't prepare, prepare to fail.
   

Bonus tip: negotiations are all about relationship building. The more trust and rapport you can build with your counterpart, the more likely it is you will end up with a successful outcome. In fact, Sue is very clear that the actual “negotiating” part is something that doesn’t happen right away. Most of her time is spent just chatting, getting to know the person, getting inside their head and trying to understand their point of view. Effectively, trying to be in their shoes.

Having this kind of empathy is what unlocks a superpower during negotiations that others simply don’t have when they rush right into the “brass tacks” of a deal or situation. On the flip side of that, whenever you find yourself really liking a real estate agent, or any salesperson - just be aware, the know if they get you to like them, you are more likely to part with your money!

You've probably noticed these aren't your typical negotiation tips. That's because they come from someone who's had to use them in life-or-death situations. We've been working with Sue to distill these insights and 50 odd more into our upcoming Pip Deck: Negotiation Tactics, launching early next year. You can get on the waiting list here.

Maybe that was useful, maybe not. Let me know!